The Brothers Cullen
by mamasutra
Summary: They were as different as day and night. One was pure sunlight and other lurked in the shadows, but that did not stop me from loving them both even if it was only a secret whispered between us. Some secrets are meant to be told. Jasper/Bella/Edward*banner by ellie wolf*
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

***now beta'd**

_**Prologue**_

"Do you like this, baby?" he asked me in a soft voice that was husky with his own need. I could feel him. He was hard and pressed against my hip, seeking what friction he could as his fingers pushed deeper into me, stretching me with each thrust.

I couldn't speak. I was lost in the violent pleasure of his touch as he pushed me higher, seeking more. Instead, I lay spread-eagled, mouth gaping like a fish while fingered me to oblivion. This was what I had wanted. This was what I had needed, and he was never one to disappoint.

I was on the edge, just right there - on the verge of losing my mind when he moved against me. He abruptly pulled his fingers out of me, causing me to moan loudly - too loud - which was dangerous since my father's room was on the other side of my too-thin bedroom walls.

"Quiet," he hissed, climbing settling between my legs, with his kiss-swollen lips a breath away from where I wanted to feel him.

He looked up at me with wide eyes; I could see the taunting and desire burning in them, even in the dim lighting. I bit back a moan in response, as this was my favorite way to see him. I loved Jasper like this with his face between my legs; teasing me before he licked my eager pussy as if it were his last meal. This was my Jasper, not the golden boy quarterback who ruled our tiny high school. This was the Jasper that I loved and longed for on the days he ignored me.

His mouth descended on me, licking me in one long, angry swipe of his tongue, making me arch off the bed in surprise and pleasure. I had no time to breathe when I felt his mouth close over my clit, sucking me hard, before nipping at it in the most devious of ways. He was demanding and almost cruel as he pushed me toward a release that quickly swallowed me whole with pleasure, until my entire body clenched in a tight spasm. I gurgled nonsense while I was I plunged headfirst into a bliss that made my legs shake and my body arch off the bed in response to his mouth against me.

Jasper continued licking me while his fingers moved slowly in and out, easing me down from my high until I pulled his blonde hair hard with my hands, demanding him to stop. It was too much; he was too much and he knew it too.

With one last long lick, he pulled away from me, letting me see his face and licking at my wetness that coated his lips as it dribbled down his chin. It was the dirtiest thing I had ever seen. I hated that when I saw him like this, I was left wondering how many other girls he did this with.

"He doesn't make you come like that," he said in a taunting whisper, as if he knew how things were like with his brother, but he had no idea. He had no idea of the passion that burned under the cold exterior that Edward hid behind, but I was in no place to argue on Edward's behalf while I lay there exposed and on display before him.

"He loves me," I whispered meekly, attempting to defend the boy who knew I couldn't choose between them. I looked at Jasper with what I hoped was a confident look, the boy whom I'd loved since the moment I had seen him at school, while feeling the heavy weight of Edward's love.

"Yeah, but that's not enough, is it?" he asked me in a mocking tone, slipping off the bed. It left me feeling cold, while the sick feeling of being used settled into the pit of my stomach. Without another word, I watched as Jasper slipped his tennis shoes back on before ducking out of my window without a goodbye or look back, leaving me alone once more.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! Thanks mauigirl60 for the beta job : )**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

_**In the beginning….**_

I watched as he walked across the quad with a smile that I hid behind my book. Everyone watched him as he crossed the square, so my eyes following him were not out of the ordinary. What was out of the ordinary was how my heart beat out of rhythm for him or how my hands itched with the need to reach out to touch him as he walked past; not that I would ever do that in front of all of these people, and not that he would care if I did.

Jasper Cullen was like the sun in this rain-drenched town. He drew people in with the ease in which he made a person feel. His smile and laughter were bright and contagious. He was everything that was wonderful about Forks High, and the teenage boys tried to emulate him every day. He was perfect and so far out of my league that it hurt me to look at him.

I watched him as he passed me without a look back or glance in my direction, breaking my heart for the hundredth time that week. It was only in his passing that I heard the soft calling behind him, whispering my name and making my heart almost beat out of my chest.

"Hey Bella," I heard someone whisper, as the group of boys who swarmed around Jasper passed by me as if I was truly as invisible as I felt. I never noticed who spoke since my eyes were always on the golden boy with the beautiful face who had no idea that I was alive.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! The next few chapters are very short and I will probably post them tonight.**

**Thanks to mauigirl60 for cleaning this up and making it more presentable for me.**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

***now beta'd**

The classroom was loud and boisterous, but we worked in silence. It was always silence with him; a horribly awkward silence that left me breathless and queasy, as I sat there counting the minutes until I could bolt out of the room and away from here.

I needed to see Jasper. I didn't get my fix of seeing him at lunch since he wasn't there. I didn't want to think beyond the rumors about where he was or who he was probably spending his time with during that free hour.

There were rumors of him and Jessica Stanley in the band room. There were always rumors of him with nameless, faceless girls. I refused to believe that he would touch any of those skanky bitches, but my so-called friend Angela was a firm believer in Jasper's man-whore ways. She was sure to tell me about them with a snarky laugh and evil gleam in her eyes.

Bitch.

She loved to watch me lose my mind over a boy that would never give me the time of day. She didn't understand how I felt about the boy who held my world in the palm of his hands without him even knowing. No one did really.

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a white paper being pushed toward me in a slow, deliberate manner. I was supposed to be working in a partnership with my table mate, but we never did. We worked alone, only exchanging papers to make sure that the answers were correct, not that he was ever wrong.

I turned to glance at the boy who sat to my left. Edward Cullen, twin brother to the boy I loved, not that anyone could tell they were related. He was tall and lanky compared to Jasper's shorter, stockier build. He had burnt orange hair and a crooked nose compared to Jasper's sun bleached blonde with perfect cheek bones. He had hard green eyes that rarely made eye contact to Jasper's baby blues, which were bright with laughter and life.

Edward Cullen was average. He was painfully normal. There was nothing special about this boy except that he happened to share the same blood line and birth date as the boy the whole school loved.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! Thanks to Mauigirl60 for her mad beta'ing skills and unending patience with me. Thanks friend : )**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

The bell rang and I stood up to run. If I timed it just right, I would walk right past Jasper, surrounded by a crowd of people that were basking in his laughter and the glow that was just Jasper Cullen. If I timed it just perfectly, he would hold the door open for me as we left the school together, yet apart.

"Bella, wait!" I heard Edward Cullen call out to me in a firm tone. His words made me stall since he never spoke. He never spoke to me or anyone else, so this was different and mildly surprising. It caused me to sputter as I turned to face him, with a disappointed scowl that was matched with one of his own.

He stood by our desk, hunched over, as always, like he was trying to hide his height. There was no hiding his frame or the wild hair that stood on end, making him look more like a mad scientist instead of the eighteen-year-old boy he was.

"We have to meet," he said simply, as if what he said made sense, but he might as well have been speaking in a foreign language, since I had no idea what he was talking about. The confusion appeared on my face as he tried to elaborate.

"We have the war project due in two weeks and it needs to be finished," he concluded, reminding me of the assigned project regarding World War II, which was to make up a large portion of our first semester grade.. It was an assignment that I had been dreading and secretly hoping that he would just do alone without my input, like he had done so many other times before.

"I am sure whatever you have will work," I said, as I glanced at the clock, watching the seconds pass, knowing that each passing moment was one less I would get to spend with the boy who made my high school days worthwhile.

"I'm not doing this one alone," he said firmly, with hard, green eyes. He challenged me, as if knowing what I was hoping for, while taking sick enjoyment of denying me my few stolen moments with his brother.

"Uhm… I just was thinking since you are valedictorian that you'd…" I said, as I accepted his challenge. I was not about to spend time with him. I was not about to waste my time with this average boy when I could spend my last remaining days at Forks High watching his brother.

"No way. You are not getting out of this, Bella," he said, with a firm shake of his head, dashing my dreams of an easy 'A'. He looked at the clock before looking back at me, as I noticed my time was gone and so was Jasper.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! Thanks to Mauigirl60 for her hard work on this hot mess.**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

*** now beta'd**

I drove down a narrow dirt road that would lead me to the Cullen house. I had never been there before, but had always wanted to. When Edward refused to let me out of my obligation as equal partner on our report, I was moments away from tears. It was those tears that I was counting on to get me out of the report until he suggested that we work on it at his house; his house where he lived with Jasper. The same Jasper Cullen that I had loved for years. I would see where Jasper lived, and the thought of it made me smile wide and bright before I readily agreed.

I turned into a winding driveway that led up to a large, modern-looking house tucked into the woods around it. It was far from pretty and stuck out oddly from the landscape, with its glass walls and block shape.

I parked my piece-of-shit Corolla and got out of the car, my backpack slung over my shoulder. I had no idea what to expect, just that this was where Jasper lived and that was all that mattered to me.

I walked up to the house that was home to the most perfect boy in the world. Before I took a breath to even knock on the door, I was greeted with the dark green eyes of Edward Cullen. He seemed as shocked to see me there as I was. His face was contorted in surprise and his eyes went wide before assuming their normal, unemotional look.

"I wasn't expecting you," he grumbled, as he looked at me with a scowl, while he jerked his hand through his hair, making it stand on end. His complete disregard was making me feel stupid, and a flash of anger washed over me as I stood there.

"You're the one who insisted that I be here!" I snapped back in a haughty tone that made him grin, for some reason, since I was being far from kind to him.

"Yeah, I know. I just didn't think you'd have the balls to come," he said simply, shrugging his broad shoulders and allowing me to enter his home.

A**N:**

**Thanks for reading! Thanks to Maui girl 60 for all her hard work on this hot mess!**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

***update**** This has been beta'd

We sat across from each other working silently, while Mrs. Cullen hovered close by. It was entertaining to watch as Edward slowly lost his mind while his mother played quiz master with me.

"You are being too kind," he murmured to me, as his mother left us alone to answer the phone.

"You could be kinder to her," I replied back, as I looked over the table to his paper that was filled with facts about the war; facts that I had missed.

"She is only interested in making me more like Jasper," he replied, with a rough grumble as his dark eyes met mine with a scowl, as if being more like Jasper would be a bad thing.

"What's so wrong with that?" I asked him, as I tried to downplay the rush of excitement I got just by the mention of his name.

"Yeah, what's so wrong with that?" a deeper voice quickly chimed in, causing me to almost gasp in surprise, as I turned to find Jasper Cullen standing in the kitchen doorway. He was sweaty and rumpled from football practice, wearing gym shorts and a t-shirt that were too small, putting his muscles on display in the most delicious of ways.

"Go fuck yourself, Jasper," Edward said, without looking at the boy; instead, his eyes were clearly focused on me.

"I will later, but first things first," he said, with a wide grin. He made me nervous as his eyes roamed over me in an appraising manner, settling on my tits for the space of a heartbeat, before meeting my eyes once more.

"Who is this?" he practically purred. Edward cringed over his question that was clearly meant for me. I bit back a squeal of excitement as I tried to remain composed before him.

"This is Bella Swan, and you would know who she was if you paid attention to anyone outside of the whores you surround yourself with," Edward said in a rough tone, that caused me to look at him in surprise over his unnecessary anger over the situation.

"Well, hello, Bella Swan," Jasper said, with a wide grin that was welcoming and naughty. It made my heart race and gave me goose bumps all at once, as I listened to the boy I had dreamed about say my name in a way that was far from pure.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! Thanks to Mauigirl60 for her amazing clean up job on this one…hugs friend!**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**updated** beta'd***

We worked in silence after Jasper left us alone to answer his phone. It was an unusual silence, but one I was comfortable with when it came to Edward.

"You know, you don't have to do this anymore, right?" he asked me, taking me by surprise by letting me off the hook for the project.

"What?" I asked him, unable to hide my shocked response.

"You can go and I'll finish it," he said. He looked at me with cold eyes that made me shiver in response. This was what I had wanted. I had wanted to be free to ogle Jasper while Edward carried the brunt of the workload. I had wanted to walk away from him and this craptastic war project that was meaningless in my world. He had given me the key to free myself from him and this horrible project, but now that I had it, I couldn't use it. I couldn't be that much of an asshole to leave it all to him and be free to go to games and chase a boy who never looked at me until I sat across from his brother.

"No way will I trust you to do all the work," I said, as I looked at the boy who waited with a guarded expression for my response.

"I mean, you'll probably screw it up somehow and my grades are important to me," I said, in what I hoped he could see was a teasing manner. I looked down at him with a haughty look that made him laugh out loud; it was bright and contagious and it made me laugh as well. It was in that laughter-filled moment with him that I could suddenly see the glimmer that there was something more to the boy who sat before me.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! Thanks to Mauigirl60 for the amazing clean up job on this one…**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

***update.. this is now beta'd***

"This idea is so fucking stupid, Ang," I muttered, as Angela rolled her eyes at me.

"How many times have I sat through those damn football games so you would get a chance to glimpse that dickhead's ass in those tight white pants?" Angela asked. I scoffed at her even though she was right. She had sat through countless games, all for me and my need to watch Jasper Cullen.

"I'm just saying that you could do this for me," she bitched, as she looked at me with her dark brown eyes pleading and bitchy all at once.

"Whatever," I mumbled, as I jerked her car door open to get out in the cool, damp, fall air. Angela had insisted on going to Port Angeles, to this all-age club that we had never been to and didn't belong at, just so she could leer at Ben Cheney, the blue-haired boy who was bass guitarist in some shitty high school band. He was her latest obsession, and while I hated the idea of wasting a Friday night football game here in the depths of teen angst hell, I did owe her.

Angela clapped excitedly as she scrambled out of the car to stand before me with a pleading look, before leaning over to reapply her lipstick in the driver's- side mirror, giving me the chance to mock her.

"Would you fuck me? I'd fuck me," I said, in my best creepy voice, knowing that each time she applied lipstick she thought of that weird scene in _The Silence_ _of the Lambs,_ where the serial killer asked that question to the girl at the bottom of the pit, as he wore the face of one of his previous victims. It was a messed up scene that scared Ang forever, to the point of that was what she thought whenever someone put on lipstick.

"Would you shut the fuck up," she hissed at me. She turned to push me, before regaining her composure enough to walk across the gravel parking lot toward the lame-ass teen club that was housed in a former warehouse, as I chased after her.

We entered the club after paying our five dollar cover charge and found it to be somewhat empty. There were teens but they lurked in the dark corners like rats. They watched us with narrowing eyes of distrust as we stood there, out of place and horribly uncomfortable.

"Oh my God! There he is," Angela hissed at me, as she slapped at my arm, hurting me over her excitement. I had no time to respond to her crazed happiness before she darted away from me to chase after her blue-haired lover boy, while leaving me alone on the empty dance floor.

It was horrible and humiliating since I had nowhere to go and no place to hide. I stood there, unsure of what to do next as I felt the eyes of all the freak-o kids that were there upon me, waiting, watching for me to do something dumb. I felt my face heat up with fire, a raging blush that always came on at the worst possible times.

I continued to stand there, praying for the floor to open up and swallow me whole when I felt a cold hand reach out and touch my arm, causing me to jump in fright while stifling a scream.

"Easy," I heard him tease, as I turned to him.

Edward Cullen. Of course, he would be here with the dredges of society. Hell, he probably was their king.

"Edward, what the fuck?" I said, as I swatted at him in response, while he laughed at me and my over-the-top reaction.

"What are you doing here?" he asked me, with a teasing grin that made him look halfway normal. He stood before me, blocking out some of the prying eyes that were watching me.

"What? I can't come here?" I asked, in a pissy tone that made him smile as if he was expecting my snotty response.

"No, you're welcome here, but I've just never seen you here before; to be honest, I thought the whole football crowd was more your scene," he said, with a knowing look. He stepped closer to me just as a group of boys walked by me. I could feel their eyes upon me, making my skin crawl with their predatory glances, as they walked by.

"No way, I mean, I love Mr. Clean," I said, making reference to Ben Cheney's band that was playing tonight, while silently thanking Angela for mentioning the band name about a thousand times on our drive here.

"Uh, huh," he replied, with a skeptical look, as he tried to mask his grin with a serious look; but it wasn't working.

"Ok, well, enjoy the show," he said with a knowing grin, as he turned away from me, leaving me in the middle of the floor as the creepy boys circled by me once more. I stood there under their gaze, feeling dirty and sick, before I ran after Edward at a full sprint, until I was firmly at his side.

"Angela is here crushing on Ben and I'm just along for the ride. She left me to find him. Please don't leave me alone," I pleaded rapidly, showing my fear as all the words ran together. Somehow, Edward understood me and snorted in laughter, while nodding in agreement to come to my aid. He slipped his hand at the small of my back as he directed me toward the table of misfits that he sat amongst.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! A special thanks to Mauigirl60 for all her hard work on this fic. Hugs to you my friend! Please try to remember Bella, Edward and Jasper are high school kids. They will not be mature. They will not have adult like conversations. They were will not responsible and at this point in the story there are no villains, no whores and no broken hearts. Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**update**now beta'd**

I was led to a table that was surrounded with people that I knew, yet I didn't. They were kids from our school, but I spoke to none of them. The caste system that was in place at Forks High was a bitch and these guys were at the bottom of it. It made me nervous being there and Edward's lack of an introduction did not help the sick feeling that was growing in my stomach.

"I know you," the youngest looking boy, with the half-shaved head and bull ring in his nose said, with a friendly grin. I knew him too. Seth Clearwater. He was a sophomore and, by far, the most outgoing oddball I had ever met.

"Shut up, Seth," another dark haired boy practically growled at him, as he looked me over with a vicious expression on his face. It was Jacob Black. Everyone knew him. He was an asshole who fought with everyone over everything without rhyme or reason. He was dangerous and, while some stupid high school girls found that to be hot, I knew better. Jacob Black was a problem waiting to happen, so sitting at the table with him was enough to make my nerves spike with fear.

"Get off her back, Jake!" Seth said with a laugh, as he pushed at the boy as if he were nothing; just watching him do that made me flinch since I had watched Jacob hit boys for less than that.

"Besides, me and the girl are one broken condom away from being family," Seth said, with a wide, teasing grin, as I gaped at him in horror over what he was suggesting. Seth immediately picked up on my discomfort, as Edward turned to look at me with a surprised look that even he couldn't hide.

"Your dad and my mom. They've been banging for years," he explained with a snicker, while doing hand gestures. I stared at him in stunned silence, as everyone gawked at me.

"Yeah," I managed to squeak as I shook my head, trying to clear out the image of our parents together.

"E told me that you and he are partners in some school project," Seth said, filling the silence of the table with his constant chatter. I nodded in agreement. His nonstop talking was better than the icy silence that made me feel sick just by sitting there.

"So, what are you doing here?" he finally asked me. as I sat there, quietly praying for Angela's return.

"I…Uhm…Angela is into Ben this week," I said, as I noticed that the boys at the table were now actually interested in my response.

"So, it's Angela that brought you here?" Jacob asked, with a grin that was both mocking and somewhat cruel. It left me feeling uneasy as I scanned the faces at the table, all of whom seemed to be waiting for something, anything to happen because of my words. My eyes settled upon Edward. He was watching me with little interest before turning back to the band that was on stage.

"Yeah," I said, as I looked away from him and the other boys, just wanting the night to end, while Jacob laughed loudly at my response.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! Thanks to Mauigirl60 for her hard work on this chapter : )**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**update**now beta'd**

"You have got to be fucking kidding me!" I hissed at Angela, who was all bright-eyed and horny, as she tried to get rid of me while Ben lingered in the background.

"Come on, B. Be a sport, you know how much I love him," she cooed at me, as if her kind voice would be enough to make me agree to spend one more minute in the presence of madness that was Edward and Seth.

"You do not love him," I said, as I looked over at Ben, who was eyeing us while talking to Edward. It was obvious they were talking about us, and just knowing that made my stomach do flip flops.

"I do. I really love him and his guitar," she cackled, as I rolled my eyes at her. She didn't love him and she sure as hell didn't love me.

"Ang, I don't know if I can spend another minute with him," I said, as I looked into my best friend's brown eyes, pleading with her to understand.

"You're a liar. Edward is a great guy and Seth is…well, he's entertaining, so shut up," she said, defending the boys she had left me with in pursuit of her latest kill.

"Come on, Bella," Angela whined, as she looked at me, twisting her body back and forth, as if she were about to go into convulsions over the idea of not fucking around with Ben Cheney.

"I'd do it for you," she said, calling me out on my protesting over this fuckery. The sad part was that she _would_ do it for me. She would go with two boys who were basically harmless, just so I could have a shot at the boy I wanted. It was because of that loyalty and commitment that I could not tell her no.

"Ang! You ready?" Ben called out to us,just as I felt an arm slip around my shoulder, alerting me that we were no longer alone.

"You're a filthy fucking whore," I said with resignation, as I looked over to find Seth with his arm around me while Edward stood off to the side, looking about as uncomfortable as I felt.

"Oh, you hear that, E?" Seth said with a laugh. Edward turned and looked nervously at me, trying to mask it with a smile that was off.

"Foreplay," Seth declared, as I choked at his words while Ang laughed a little at the odd boy who had his arm around me, as if we were the best of friends. It only made me hate Angela more as he laughed with her over my discomfort. Fucking bitch.

"Do you ladies need a minute?" he asked us, while Ang looked at me with a pleading look on her face, silently begging me to take one for the team.

"I hate you," I finally said with a sigh, making her smile so bright that it lit up the dark parking lot, where we lingered like the wanna-be juvenile delinquents we were with. She gave me one last tight squeeze before running off to chase Ben, leaving me with the two boys who were now my ride home.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! Thanks Mauigirl60 for your beta , these characters are based on real people. **

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**update***now beta'd**

The drive home was filled with nonstop chatter from Seth while Edward and I sat side-by-side in the front seat. As I was told about Seth's food allergies and what kind of pie he likes, I watched Edward with a sideways glance. I wondered if Seth ever annoyed him as he was doing to me, but it didn't seem so, since whenever Seth would say something that was ridiculous, he would just grin in response.

"So, Bella…" Seth said, as he leaned forward so his face was in the space between Edward and me.

"Tell me…who are you doing?" he asked me, causing me to choke at his abrupt question. I should have been used to his inappropriate questions or comments by now, yet I wasn't.

"I'm not…I'm not doing anyone," I stuttered nervously, and felt the heat of an unwanted blush grace my cheeks, as I tried my best to ignore it and the boy beside me.

"No one?" Seth questioned, as if it was shocking that I had no one in my life, but what he didn't understand was the one boy that I wanted who didn't want me.

"No one," I repeated, as I looked over at Edward to find him glancing at me with a curious look on his face.

"That doesn't seem right at all," Seth said, as if it was horrible that I was a teenage virgin who had no prospects on the horizon. It was kind of horrible, but I was used to it.

"No one is interested in me," I said, without sadness or seeking pity from the boys, since it didn't matter. I was somewhat ok with no one being interested in me, since no one could compare to the boy I was interested in.

"That's not true," he said with a motherly 'tsk', as if I were wrong.

"A pretty girl like you, well, you have to know you are the reason that someone masturbates," he said very matter-of-factly, as if what he was saying was a compliment instead of the disturbing statement that it truly was.

"I hope it's not you," I managed to stutter, as I glanced at Edward to find him staring out at the road, as if he was embarrassed by his little friend as well.

"It's not. I'm actually into blondes. You know that girl, Jessica?" Seth asked, quickly changing the subject to the girls who made his jerk-off fantasy list, giving me a reprieve for a moment as I tried to block his voice out of my mind.

"So, I was thinking," Seth said out of the blue, pulling me back into the very one-sided conversation that he was having with us.

"We need a date for homecoming and…I think you'd be fun, so what do you say?" Seth asked, just as Edward pulled up in front of the small house where Seth lived. The lights were on and my father's squad car was in the driveway, telling me that dad would be staying there overnight.

"Seth," Edward said, in a warning tone that made me turn to look at him. He gave me an almost apologetic look just as Seth sat there waiting for my answer.

"Are you asking me to homecoming?" I asked, in a high-pitched tone that told of my disbelief over what the hell was going on around me.

"Not just me…I mean, Edward too," he corrected, causing me to look at Edward, who met my startled gaze with a nervous one of his own.

"My mom thinks I should go. You know, the memories and bullshit, since it's my senior year…and I don't…I mean, I think it would be fun," Edward finished flatly, as he looked at me with an almost-defeated look.

"That's a lie, E, you could have asked Rose if she wasn't such a crazy bitch," Seth said, as he scoffed at his friend while I gawked at Edward for a long moment. I had heard the rumors about him and Rosalie Hale, but I had never believed them since she was this pristine, pretty, princess, pom pom queen and he was…well, Edward.

"You don't have to go. I mean, it's just an offer and it would be as friends and…" Edward said rapidly, showing me how nervous he was, tugging at his hair like he did in class; except this time, it wasn't annoying so much as that it was somewhat endearing. I had never seen Edward Cullen nervous before. I had seen him be smug or be a dick. I witnessed him correcting a teacher over a math problem with a confident grin. I watched him laughing with friends over something I had no idea what it was about, but this was new. This look of nervousness and the stuttering tone to his usually confident speech made him appear vulnerable. It made him human and I could not ignore how attractive it was to see him like this.

"I'll do it…I'll go," I said, without any confidence, since I knew agreeing to a night out with them would be life-changing and not necessarily in the best way, but I could not say no to him. He had asked me in such a sweet, yet anxious manner that was so out of character for him. It was impossible to tell him no, even though I should have.

**An:**

**Thanks for reading! Thanks to Mauigirl60 for all her hard work : )**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**update! Now beta'd**

The library was within minutes of closing and, once more, it was my job to lock the place up. I had gotten this job through a favor owed to my dad. Because of it, I was one of the few kids in our tiny town that had a fairly well- paying job in high school that should have gone to a townie, but went to the police chief's daughter instead. It was an easy job that only required me to close the place down at nine o'clock at night, not that it was big deal since no one was ever here, except for him.

Jasper Cullen came every night to the library after football practice. He never said hello to me or told me that was where he came from, but I knew since I could smell the scent of soap on him and his hair was always wet.

He would bypass me completely most nights and head straight for the nine hundred section in the Dewey Decimal system, the numbering system used for filing books in the library. I would watch him from afar as he sank down into a beat-up chair and read books on war and history. Every once in a while, he would look up at me and our eyes would meet. When that happened, he would smile as I struggled to breathe while looking away from him, embarrassed that I had been caught looking at him again.

At a quarter to nine, I would always make the announcement that the library was closing. It wouldn't have mattered if I didn't because always at that time, Jasper would suddenly put away his books and walk out of the building like a thief in the night, making it as if he had never been there. That night was no different, as I watched him systematically put away each book with gentle care that he had pulled off the shelf. I wanted to believe that he put them away because he knew I would have to if he didn't, but even I wasn't that delusional. I knew that he was just raised better than to leave a mess for me, and I would always silently thank him for that.

"Hey, Bells," my dad called out as he approached the counter, pulling me out of my daydreams of Jasper.

"Dad," I mumbled, as Jasper walked by us with a slight grin in our direction.

"Good game last Friday," Dad called to the boy, making him stop to look at us while I fought the urge to hide behind the huge wooden desk.

"Thanks, sir," he said politely, nodding toward my father in an embarrassed manner which took me by surprise, since Jasper was rarely humble.

"Good night, Bella," he said to me, with a grin that made my heart pound in my chest as it tangled my tongue up in my mouth, making it where I could not respond with anything outside of an awkward mumble.

"Nice kid," my dad said offhandedly, as we both watched Jasper leave without ever looking back at us.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! Thanks mauigirl60 for beta'ing this mess.**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight

**update! Now beta'd***

"Play for me," I commanded, as Edward sat at his piano bench, his head against the stand where his music sheets would rest.

"So fucking demanding," he teased with mock irritation. He moved just enough to look at me, as I lay on top of the cool, shiny wood of the grand piano, while he smiled at me. It was a warm smile that made my stomach do a little flip flop, as I noticed how his eyes crinkled when he truly smiled that way.

"What would you like to hear?" he asked. He smiled softly as he played a random melody that I did not recognize at all; it was soft and soothing. He waited for me to make my request, but I couldn't think of anything.

"Uhm… you pick," I finally said, unable to take the flips flops that my stomach was doing, as he looked at me with patient eyes. Without another word, Edward launched into some grand classic piece that I had no idea what it was; I just knew I liked it.

It was hard to believe that he and I settled into this comfortable relationship of sorts. We had taken to meeting after school to work on our project, but to be honest, very little work was done. Instead, he showed me his piano and would play for me; or, he would show me his room that was cluttered with music and posters. He would tell me what he did and what he liked. It was oddly intoxicating to know that I was seeing a side of this boy that few ever got to see. No one knew about his musical ability. No one knew that he had a night light in his room that he had used since he was two. No one was aware of any of these odd bits of information except for me, and maybe a few of his close friends.

"What's the deal with Angela and Ben?" he asked, without missing a beat of the song he played for me.

"Why do you want to know? You were going to tell Ben or something, right?" I asked him as I lay there, hoping like hell his mother wouldn't walk in to find me lying upon my belly on what had to be an expensive musical instrument.

"No," he said, as he looked away, but it was an exaggerated 'no', telling me that he was lying.

"Ok, fine, I would,' he admitted, with a grin that made my heart beat out of rhythm a little, as I noticed how handsome he could be when he was trying.

"He likes her and he wants to know if she likes him for real," he said, as he looked at me with a slight grin that suggested he was embarrassed for some reason, making me blush for no other reason than he was watching me. It was stupid, but I couldn't help it. It was the way he looked at me as if I were the only one he saw. It was intimidating and oddly wonderful.

"You're pretty when you blush," he said softly, as he stopped playing for a moment, and looked away from me while his own cheeks tinged as pink as mine.

"Are you calling me pretty, Cullen?" I asked him teasingly, giving him the chance to downplay what he said, while my heart pounded in my ears and my hands shook over his rare compliment.

"Yeah, I am," he said, his dark green eyes met mine as his cheeks flamed red. He looked confident and sick. He was beautiful with his brave smile and scared shitless expression stretched across his handsome face. He was challenging me to accept his compliment, to accept him; and, strangely enough, I _wanted_ to accept him. I wanted to agree with this odd boy who had wormed his way into my life so thoroughly, that I spent most days after school with him.

"Thanks," I sputtered, feeling my face burn with the heat of pleasant embarrassment because no boy, outside of my father, had ever told me that I was pretty - and Edward was like no other boy.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! Thanks mauigilr60 for the amazing beta job!**

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**Mamasutra**


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

***updated*** now beta'd**

"So, I heard a nasty rumor about you today in English," Angela said, with a snicker that made me roll my eyes. I shushed her as I shelved books. She had been building up to this moment with each casual comment she made ever since walking into the library.

"Really?" I asked her, trying my best to play innocent, but she could see through me. I knew what she was talking about. It was the same thing I had heard whispered as I walked down the halls. It was the whispered talk of my homecoming dates.

"Yeah, I heard that you were going to homecoming," she said, as she looked over at me with bright eyes that held the laughter she was holding back. The bitch knew and was torturing me.

"I am," I said, as I shelved another book and ignored her once more, while trying to complete my endless to-do list when it came to this place.

"Yeah, about that…" she said, and then paused dramatically.

"Are you really going with Seth _and _Edward?" she asked me, with a grin that dripped with her hidden laughter.

"Yes," I said stiffly, suddenly feeling incredibly stupid as she laughed loudly, not caring that we were in a library that demanded silence.

"That is just….just…just…" she stammered, as I gave her a dark look.

"Wonderful?" I offered in a stiff tone of embarrassment, as I watched her wipe the tears of laughter from her eyes.

"I was going to say 'fucked up', but sure, I guess 'wonderful' will work," she said, while biting her lip to contain her laughter. The containment lasted all of five seconds before she once again began laughing hysterically.

"You know, you are a bitch and this is your entire fault," I said to her, as I waved the book in her face as if I would hit her like she so richly deserved.

"My fault?" she practically screeched, as I shoved her out of the way to put the last book away, since it was almost time to close.

"Ok, fine. It's my fault. It's my fault that you have a date, no wait…two dates. It's my fault that you have some hot guy interested in you. It's my fault that you have probably the hottest guy in school so desperate to date you that he asks his little puppet to ask you out for him since he has no idea how to do it himself. Yeah, I'm such a bad fucking friend," Angela said as she followed behind me, ranting all the way, not caring that her voice carried in the old, empty building.

"Listen, Ang…" I started, but I never had a chance to finish my thought because as I approached the desk, I found Edward leaning against it. He was in the baggy jeans and black t-shirt that he had worn to school. He looked casual and uncomfortable all at once as his eyes met mine.

"Hey, Edward," I called nervously, as I approached the desk where he lounged, waiting for me.

"Bella," he said with a squeak in his voice that was somewhat charming, as he stood up straighter. I slipped behind the desk to announce the library was closing before turning back to him.

"Some of us were going to the diner and I wanted to see if you wanted to go," he said, explaining himself and why he stood there looking absolutely so adorable and sick all at once. As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Ang was at my side, saying that she would be there with Ben - as if I needed the added encouragement to go when I really didn't. I liked spending time with Edward. He was interesting and funny when he wanted to be.

I looked at Edward, standing there waiting for my response with a hopeful look that made me smile over how cute he could be when he wasn't even trying.

"I'd love to," I said, as I ignored Angela's squeal of happiness just as Jasper walked by us. He surprised me with his presence since I hadn't noticed him being there before that moment. I had completely missed him since I was too busy with my thoughts of Edward.

**An:**

**Thanks for reading! Thanks to mauigirl60 for her hard work : )**

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**mamasutra**


	15. Chapter 15

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**update**beta'd**

The diner was quiet for a Thursday night. Maybe it was always this quiet and I just never knew it since at nine o'clock on a Thursday night, I was on my way home instead of in a greasy booth tucked in beside Edward.

Edward was quiet, letting Ben talk, which was fine since he was a very charismatic guy. He could hold a conversation while Edward and I seemed to struggle at times for what little idle talk we shared.

Our coffee arrived and, without saying a word, Edward slid the silver pitcher of cream over to me. His simple act startled me enough to make me gawk at him like an idiot.

"What?" he asked, as he looked at me with a wide, nervous look, which only made him look adorable.

"You know how I take my coffee?" I asked him, ignoring Angela and Ben's pointless conversation.

"Yeah," he said with a smile, as he looked at me with a proud look. He was pleased with himself as gave me a soft smile.

"I pay attention, Bella," he said with a grin that gave my stomach flip flops, as he held my gaze for the space of a heartbeat.

"Drink your coffee," he said with a cocky grin, as he looked away just as Ben asked him a question. I watched him engage in some pointless conversation over plans for Friday night and, for the first time in forever, I actually wanted to know where he was spending his weekends.

I drank the cooling coffee and listened to him laugh and talk, while Ang made eyes at me. She didn't have to speak to tell me that she liked him. She liked Edward for me and once we had a moment alone, she reminded me again.

"He's cute, Bella," she whined, as she waited for me in the bathroom while the boys settled the bill. I had told Edward I would pay for my own cup of coffee, but he just laughed at me in return.

"Do you want to date him?" I asked her as I washed my hands, knowing full well that she was not into him at all.

"I would, if I didn't have Ben," she said defiantly, while she wiped at her smudged mascara. She was a liar. She wouldn't. Edward Cullen was too much, too serious and too quiet for her.

"Edward is cute, smart and can hold a conversation when he wants to," she said, pleading his case even though it was pointless, since I knew all too well what a good guy he was. I thought about him all the time. It was horribly wonderful how quickly the boy had invaded my thoughts, not that I would ever admit that to anyone, not even Ang.

"I know," I replied. I tossed my used paper towel at her and she batted it away while opening the door to walk out. I watched as she practically skipped over to Ben, who greeted her with a warm hug and kiss. They were sweet together, too sweet. It made me feel awkward as I stood by a boy who could be someone to me, but wasn't.

"You ready?' he asked me, while motioning toward the door with a jerk of his hands. I walked ahead of him toward the door with his footsteps following mine. I walked out to his car since he was my ride home, while Angela called out her good bye to us.

AN:  
Thanks for reading!

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Mamasutra


	16. Chapter 16

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**update**now beta'd**

The town was silent, and so was Edward as he drove me home. He seemed lost in his own thoughts as he pulled into the gravel driveway that was, once again, empty.

"Isn't your dad ever at home?" he asked me, making me feel self-conscious over the fact that my father preferred to spend time with Sue over me.

"He'll be home later," I lied, as I grabbed for the handle of the door to leave, just as he got out of the car as well, causing me to have an awkward feeling in my chest.

"What are you doing?" I asked him in surprise, as I watched him shut his door before walking over to my side of the car.

"I'm walking you to your door," he said, as if I was the one who had lost their mind.

"Uhm…Bella," he said, as we reached the steps to the front porch.

"You don't have to go with me…with Seth and me to homecoming," he said, as he looked at me with a neutral expression. It was clear that he was nervous as he gave me my 'out'. While it pissed me off to an extent that he was giving me an option not to go, it also was very sweet of him.

"Don't you want me to go?" I asked him without thinking, but that was the question in my heart.

"Of course, I do, I just…I just want you to…_want_ to go," he said, looking away while running a nervous hand through his hair, making it stand on end once more. "Never mind, I mean, I just want to make sure that…" he stammered on, but I stopped him by placing my hand upon his chest. I could feel his heart beating a thousand miles per hour against his hard chest. I had never before touched him like that, realization causing me to sputter as well. When we had touched before, it was just playing around. It was smacking at each other like little kids, it was poking him in the arm or feeling his hand against my back; but this, with my hand over his heart, felt intimate. It felt private. It felt right.

"I'm wearing red and I expect you here to pick me up by six since Charlie wants to see you both," I said in a soft tone. I could barely form the words because my tongue was so thick from emotions that I was not used to feeling at all. Edward remained still under my touch, wide-eyed, not speaking, not moving, and barely breathing. It was as if he felt it too, and that made me even sicker since that had never happened before either.

Slowly, his hand came up and covered mine. It was warm and firm as it held me there, letting me feel his heart as it continued to pound in his chest. He nodded his head in what seemed to be agreement before squeezing my hand with his, as he stuttered a soft 'good night' before leaving me once more.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! Thanks mauigirl60 for all your hard work!**

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**Mamasutra**


	17. Chapter 17

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**beta'd**

Homecoming was something that most girls planned out with excitement, but not many girls had two dates for the dance.

"So, when is this boy supposed to be here?" my father asked me, as he drank another can of Diet Coke. He was nervous and I could tell which was ridiculous, since he wasn't the one who would be spending all night with Seth and Edward. I wasn't worried about Edward, it was Seth that had me scared shitless of his unpredictability.

"Boys, dad, boys," I said, reminding him that I had two dates. Hehe rolled his eyes at me while muttering _wonderful._

At six o'clock on the dot there was a sharp knock on the door, followed by loud howling sounds that were purely Seth.

"Oh, Jesus," my father muttered as he went toward the door. I walked to the mirror in the front room. I looked good. I had my hair pulled up in a French twist and the red dress I had borrowed from Ang fit well. It wasn't too short or too tight. It was the perfect mix of nice girl and high school slut.

"Bella, your…uh…_dates _are here," my father called out to me in a bored tone. I listened to Seth motor-mouth him with insane questions concerning his plans with Sue that night. I could hear the pleading in his gruff voice for me to save him from Seth, but I was too busy trying to breathe through the intense bout of anxiety I had over going out there to face Edward.

"This is stupid," I whispered to myself, staring at my reflection, taking note of the eyeshadow I rarely wore and the dark red lipstick that matched my dress.

"It's just Edward…and…Seth," I mumbled, as I listened to Seth babble on about something that I didn't even want to know.

"It's just Edward," I whispered to myself once more, before stepping out of the hallway by the kitchen and entering the small front room where Seth was entertaining everyone with his nonsense.

"Oh, thank God," I heard my father dad mumble as I appeared, but I didn't really notice since Edward was all I could see.

I had never seen him in anything outside of jeans and an old concert t-shirt; finding him in my front room in a dark suit with a red tie was shocking. He looked older. He looked uncomfortable. He looked more handsome than any boy ever should.

"Bella," he said with a slight grin. We stared at each other as the room went quiet around us.

"You look great," I blurted out loud without thinking, making him blush, while Seth interrupted with a dramatic sigh.

"You have no idea how long it took to do my hair," he said in an overly-dramatized tone. I turned to look at the other boy who was lounging on the couch like he belonged there. Seth was dressed in an old powder blue tuxedo that had seen better days, since it looked tattered and worn. The ruffled blue shirt was unbuttoned displaying a shirt that had a fist on it, while his jet black hair that normally hung in his eyes was standing on end in the shape of a Mohawk. It was ridiculous looking and just so Seth-like that I could not stop the barking laugh that escaped my lips.

"You look nice too, Edward" I said with a snicker, as Seth nodded toward Edward with a grin.

"See? I told you she'd dig the suit," he said, as I looked back at Edward, who was red-faced once more.

"All right, you all look nice, especially you, Bella," my father said, motioning us to the door as if he were tired of us.

"No drinking and be home by one," he called out to me, as I opened the door and left the house, Edward directly behind me.

"He never mentioned sex so the threesome is still on," Seth called out, while my father growled in response to his words. I didn't care. I couldn't think of his nonsense while Edward was this close.

"You look…beautiful," he whispered as we walked, while Seth and my father bickered back and forth. His compliment made my heart race and erased any common sense I possessed.

"So do you," I whispered in response, as he opened his car door for me to begin our night out.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! Thanks to Mauirgirl60 for beta'ing this hot mess…**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	18. Chapter 18

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

The gym of Forks High was coated in crate paper the color of Pepto-Bismol while soft music played in the back ground. It was horrible and something sight out of a seventies' slasher movie and I could help the snicker that escaped my lips as we stepped through the doorway.

"Wow," Edward said as he looked around with wide eyes as if he was horrified while Seth shook his head at the made over mess that the dance committee made.

"The least they could have done was put out some air fresheners so it didn't smell like ball sweat in here," he said causing me to bark out a laugh as Edward turned to look at me with a surprised look.

"What?" I asked him as he waited for an explanation.

"He's right, it does smell like ball sweat," I said causing Edward to laugh at me in what could have been shock.

"And you know what ball sweat smells like?" he asked me in a teasing tone as I rolled my eyes while feeling my tattle telling blush warm my cheeks.

"No, but I can't imagine it would smell any different than this," I countered back in a haughty tone that made him laugh before taking hold of my hand in his. It was a move that took me by surprise since while Edward had been more physical with me it still had been in shy movements and carefully constructed behavior, as if he was testing to see how I would react to him. Without any other thought I squeezed his hand in mine and watched him try to hide his smile.

"Ok, you two love birds, I'm off like a prom dress to find Jess," he said as I slapped at him with my free hand.

"She owes me money and a dance," he said as he poked me in the boob like the asshole he was before leaving me standing there with Edward.

"Asshole," I called out after his retreating form only to have Seth answer back by giving me the finger before disappearing into the crowd of high school students.

We stood there hand and hand watching the crowd, both of us unsure of what to do next. It was awkward, yet there was electricity between us that made me on edge.

"You wanna dance?" he asked me in a nervous tone that surprised me since the Edward Cullen I knew was never nervous; he could be a dick, but never nervous.

"I'd love too," I said as I turned to face him better before he lead me out into the middle of the gym floor now make shift dance floor. It was crowded with other couples, but I didn't notice the moment that he pulled me close.

Edward held me tight so that we were practically pressed together. I could feel the movement of his muscles as he shifted against me. I could almost hear his heart beating and the slightly rapid intake of air as he breathed. He was closer to me than what he ever had been and it was terrifyingly wonderful.

"Is this ok?" he whispered in my ear, causing me to shudder in his arms as his warm breath tickled me. Was I ok? I was. I was more than ok and that was shocking since it was Edward who was holding me.

We danced around the gym, holding each other, letting the faceless couples pace around us. It felt almost intimate even though we were in a crowded place which only made my movements more awkward than normal, not that Edward seemed to mind. Whenever I because out of step with the music or stepped on his toes he would just hold me tight to him. It was endearing, but I was finding a lot of things about Edward to be endearing.

"Your hair smells great," he whispered to as he pressed his face into my hair for a moment before leaning down to press his scratchy cheek against mine in a romantic manner that made swoon a little for this boy was wooing me without really trying. It was as he spun me around the room that I noticed him watching us. It was the first I ever noticed Jasper watching me with his brother.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! Sorry it took a while for the update. I hope you will stick around : )**

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**Mamasutra**


	19. Chapter 19

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight/

The dance ended and as it did we slipped away from the crowd.

"What about Seth?" I asked him as he walked me to his car.

"He'll be alright," he said with a nod of head as if he knew for certain that his friend would actually be fine.

"Besides he'll be at the party too," he said as he held open the door for me to get in the car like the gentleman he could be at times.

Once inside his car Edward told me about the party at his house. He normally didn't attend them, but would if I was interested. In the past I would have said yes just to have the chance to sit across the room and watch Jasper with whatever slut he had hooked up with, but as I looked at Edward's green eyes and half smile I could only think of him.

"No, its fine," I said as I watched him. He was waiting for me to make some decision. I could see it in his eyes, but he never told me what the question was.

"Do you want to go home?" he asked me causing me to gawk at him. It was barely midnight and Charlie wouldn't be home to until the morning. I had all night and the thought of spending it alone in an empty house did not sound appealing.

"No," I said quickly as he smiled and nodded as if I was getting closer to whatever it was that he was thinking.

"Do you want to go to my place?" he asked me in a nervous tone that he tried to mask with an out of place chuckle. I had no idea what he had planned, but I wanted to find out.

"Yeah," I said in a breathless whisper as he nodded his head again before starting his car. We were out of the parking lot and driving down the street before I realized that the party was at his house.

"But what about the party? I mean, if you want to go that's cool, I just thought that…" I stammered as he looked at me for a second before turning his attention back to the road.

"Yeah, the party is there, but we won't be a part of it," he said with a smile that made my stomach clench with nerves. I had been alone with Edward countless times, yet this was different. This was date like and I had never done that with him or really any other boy here.

"You look nervous," he said with a slight frown as he pulled me out of my panic attack with the sound of his voice.

"We don't have to... I mean, we can catch up with Ben and Angela if you want. I think they are meeting some of the others in the woods for a bon fire," he offered in a rushed tone that told me how nervous he was as well and somehow I found that to be soothing.

"No, everything is fine. I would love to go to wherever with you," I said with a weak smile that made him beam with happiness as he continued to drive towards his house.

**AN:**

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**Mamasutra**


	20. Chapter 20

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

We drove to Edward's house in relative silence. He seemed to have a plan, but for the life of me I had no idea what it was.

"Wow," I whispered as we approached the dead end at the end of his drive. The house was lit up like a Christmas tree with every light burning bright. There were cars everywhere leaving Edward muttering a curse as he realized he would have to park in the grass at his own house.

"Yeah," he mumbled in an irritated tone as he looked at the house with a hard look.

"So, what will be doing?" I asked him, hopefully pulling him out of his funk with my question.

"Oh, my, well, I haven't thought that far ahead," he said in sheepish manner that made me laugh.

"What does that mean?" I asked with a laugh as he shook his head as if he was embarrassed.

"I didn't think you'd agree so, I'm kind of winging it here," he admitted with a blush on his cheeks that made him look more little boy than man as we sat in the dark together.

"You ready?" he asked me as he motioned towards the door. I wasn't sure if I would ever be ready, but I was dying to start our night so I nodded yes and followed him out of the car.

WE walked hand in hand along the grass, until Edward pulled off his suit jacket and wrapped it around me even though I tried to hide how cold I truly was.

"Just follow me," he said as he turned back towards me with a half grin before we entered his house. I nodded in agreement and held on to him a little tighter as he opened the door and entered the party.

I had never been to one of Jasper's parties, but had always heads they were amazing. I looked around the room looking for the fun that every one described and didn't find it. Instead, I found half drunken kids and girls throwing themselves at boys who looked at them leeringly. It was far from fun and far from the magical good time I had heard about.

"I'm going to grab something to drink, so don't move," Edward said to me as he pulled me tighter against him before dipping around the corner as he left me alone.

I waited nervously, but Edward was back in flash with a large box before he took hold of my hand and led me through the crowd until we were going up the stairs towards his room. We kept walking until we reached his door which quickly opened and motioned me inside as if we had performed some covert operation instead of walking through a party that no one noticed us at.

His room vibrated with the music from down stairs as we stood there in silence together.

"So…" I began as I watched Edward pull a two bottles of beer out the box that I discovered was filled with ice and beer.

"Want one?" he asked me as I watched him open the bottle for me as I nodded in response.

"So, here we are," I said as I looked around his room. It was the same as every other time I had seen it, yet it was different since I had never been alone with him like this without his parents close by.

"What do you want to do now?" I asked him as we stood there facing each. I watched him take a long pull off of his beer bottle as he looked at me with a serious look on his face.

"Well, I have an idea, but it's nothing we've ever done before," he said in an almost teasing tone as he looked at me with a smart ass grin that made me laugh.

"How adventurous are you feeling tonight, Bella?" Edward asked me with a teasing glimmer in his eye that made my stomach twist with nerves in a good way.

**AN:  
Thanks for reading!**

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	21. Chapter 21

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

"This is adventurous?" I asked him with a laugh as I finished my second beer while watching him adjust his telescope.

"It's a meteor shower, Bella," he said with a teasing sigh as if I was the one who was missing the point of how exciting this was.

"You're a dork, Edward," I said with a laugh as I rolled over on my back to look up at his ceiling while enjoying the buzz I had going from the beers I had drank. I had long discarded my dress for Edward's old clothes consisting of his old track t-shirt and ratty gym shorts from our freshman year. They were beyond comfortable and put me more at ease than the short dress and heels I had been wearing.

"I'm a dork?" he asked me in an incredulous tone that made giggle at his overreaction.

"You work in library so you do not get to judge me," he said mockingly reminding me of my uber dorky job, as if I needed the reminder over what a loser I was.

"Yeah, well, you think it's hot so what does that say about you?" I asked him with a loud laugh as I felt the vibrations of the music below us moving the bed that we were laying on.

Edward remained silent for the space of a heartbeat, looking at me with a look that was more wicked than teasing before he launched himself at me, grabbing at my sides while tickling me to the point of being painful.

"Edward!" I screamed as I wiggled away from him as he laughed darkly at me while pressing himself practically on top of me as he continued to tickle while I struggled to breathe. It was torment since his fingers were strong as they dug into my sides and pleasure since I could feel him against me. He was strong and while I had always known he was, it was different to feel his muscles move while he held me down without much effort. I slugged and slapped at him until his one hand was able to capture both of mine as I growled in frustration at him, which only caused him to laugh even louder at me until I was nearly able to knee him in the balls. He only stopped me last minute by pinning my legs with his while effectively crushing me with his weight.

I could feel him, all of him, pressed against me. He was heavy and warm. He smelled like a boy with the faint hint of soap and the spice that was all Edward. He fit perfect against me as he pressed into me so that we were nose to nose with each other. It was perfect and as I looked into his green eyes I could see that he felt it too.

I opened my mouth to speak, but being this close to a handsome boy robbed me of all thought and ability to speak, not that it mattered to Edward. He leaned down and brushed his nose along mine in a slow, Eskimo kiss that made my heart sputter in my chest before pressing a soft kiss against my lips.

**AN:**

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	22. Chapter 22

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

Edward kissed me softly, so softly it almost felt like he was hovering above me instead of kissing me. I felt him break our kiss and slowly pull away as I lay beneath him with my eyes still closed. I wasn't sure what to do so I laid there.

"Bella," he whispered to me in a worried tone that made me feel incredible stupid since I could not look at him.

"Come on, I know it wasn't that bad," he said in a gruffer tone as I shook my head no at him. I didn't want him to think that and for that sole reason alone I opened my eyes to look at him.

Edward was still on top of me; his face was an inch away from me as he looked at me with what I think was concern in his eyes. It was all I needed to burst into tears. It was too much and he was too much. He wasn't who I thought he would be, instead he was more. He had me confused and I hated being confused. I thought I knew what I wanted, yet after that kiss I wasn't so sure any more.

As soon as my tears started Edward practically jumped off of me and started pacing nervously as if he had done something wrong, instead of facing the truth, which was that I was insane.

"I'm sorry, I just thought that…" he said as I watched him pace with his hands tangled in his hair. I hated that I caused this. A normal girl would have smiled and kissed him back, but I wasn't a normal girl. I was awkward and uncomfortable. I loved a boy who never looked at me while being with a boy who never looked away. I had a choice to make and watching Edward mentally beat himself up over a kiss made it an easy one. I needed to stop being a coward and dreaming about a boy who didn't even know my name so I could focus on the one boy who whispered it like it was a prayer.

I crawled off the bed and stumbled to face the boy who was in full freak out mode because of my reaction. It wasn't fair to him and it wasn't fair to me so with one deep, calming breath I stood in front of him, blocking his path with my body.

Edward stopped before me. He looked angry and somewhat embarrassed so I needed to move fast to fix this, but the truth being said I had no idea how to fix it since I had never had a boyfriend or really any semblance of a relationship. I had barely been kissed with Edward only being the second boy whom had ever attempted to kiss me.

I looked up into his hard green eyes as I stepped closer to him so that we were pressed together as we stood there, but Edward didn't budge so it was all up to me.

I reach up and cupped his cheek with my hand. It was warm and kind of prickly to the touch as I pulled him down from his height above me so that we were face to face once more. He was hurt I could see it in the hardened expression on his face and it was there that I promised never to hurt this boy again. I leaned into his lanky frame and pressed a warm, hard kiss against his lips; apologizing for my overreaction the only way I knew how.

AN;

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	23. Chapter 23

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

"So, I didn't see you at the party," Ang said with a sly look upon her face. She knew I was there since Edward had texted Ben telling him we would not join them in the wood for the meager kegger he had planned.

"Yeah, Edward had plans for us," I said in my best innocent voice that I could muster before biting my lip to cover up the smile that graced my face every time I thought of Edward.

"Did his plans include fucking around in his bedroom, you dirty, dirty whore," Ang said too loudly, breaking the silence of our chemistry class with her accusations which made Mike Newton turn to look at me with a surprised look.

"Would you shut the fuck up?" I hissed, unable to even muster the proper anger needed to shut her up since the thought of kissing Edward made me smile, while she grinned like a mad woman.

"I knew it! I knew it!" she said in a giddy whisper just as Newton hushed us.

"Shut up Newton," we growled at him in unison before laughing loudly just as Mrs. Clemson warned us with her evil eye to quiet down or else. We never knew what the _or_ _else_ would be when it came to crossing her, but we also never wanted to find out.

"So…" she said with a naughty grin as she looked at me, ignoring the lecture that was going on in front of us.

"So what?" I asked, trying to down play what had happened between Edward and me, but Angela would have none of that.

"Tell me," she said as I shoved at her while she stifled her giggle. Of course she would want to know, but I remained silent. She didn't need to know about how kissing Edward was slowly becoming my most favorite past time. I would never tell her about the soft moans that escaped his lips or how I waking up listening to his heart beat was the best wakeup call I had ever had in my entire life. She didn't need to know that my boy was a gentleman who held me close and whispered how pretty he thought I was. No one needed to know how bright his eyes would shine when kissed or how I wanted to see them shine like that every moment of the day. These were quiet things that no one needed to know about him or me.

The bell rang announcing the end of class, letting me off the hook as I packed up my books while Angela called out that we were far from done with our conversation, but I had no time to respond since I stepped out of the room I saw him. It was Edward. He was leaning against the lockers across from the door. He was waiting for me and as soon as our eyes met I watched him smile while extending his hand out towards me. I cut through the traffic in the hallway, weaving in between some of our class mates to reach him.

"You ready?" he asked me as he took my bag off of my shoulder to carry for me to my next class with a slight grin. It was warm and happy. It was the same pleased smile that he had been wearing since I had kissed him.

**AN:**

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	24. Chapter 24

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**not beta'd**

My eyes were screwed tight as I pulled on Edward's hair while his tongue tangled with mine in the most incredible way possible, letting me taste the tang of the beer he had drank mixed with the sweet vodka drank I had ingested. It was enough make me moan into his mouth as I pulled him tighter to me causing him to groan in response. It was a throaty sound that I felt all the way to my soul. His hands held my hips still to stop the uncontrollable rocking against him in the cramp space that we both occupied as I straddled his lap in the drivers' seat.

Edward's one hand squeezed my hip tight for a second before slipping along the edge of my jeans to slide up and under my shirt. His fingers on my skin made my heart stutter in my chest as he continued upward, running his fingers along my spine and over the strap of my bra as I gasped into his mouth. The feel of his fingers, strong and far from confident, trace over my ribs to cup my breast made me shudder under his touch.

"Oh god," I whispered to into the silence of the car around us as I broke our kiss to breathe, but there was no space to since Edward was everywhere. He was the air I breathed. I couldn't even think as his lust filled, dark eyes met mine just as he thrust up ward against me, letting me feel him hard against me.

I had kissed boys before him. I had known let a guy touch me, hold me, rock against me until I lost my mind with pleasure, but never before had it felt like if I didn't have this boy that I would die. I had never needed someone so badly that I was left breathless and scared to death over that want.

"Put your fucking clothes on!" I heard someone scream just as there was a loud banging on the hood of the car. The sheer violence of the sound caused us both to jump in fright while Edward pulled me against him as if he was protecting me somehow from whatever threat had found us outside of the house party we had slipped out of.

I twisted in his arms just enough to see Seth standing at the front of the car. He was banging on the hood loudly with a wild smile that hinted at how drunk he was as the wind whipped at the crayon red Mohawk that he knew was sporting.

"Stop fucking around and take me home so I can make curfew otherwise mom will flip her shit," he said as Edward groaned against my neck before whispering _fucking Seth _against my neck in a growl of frustration that made me laugh as he held me close.

"Seriously, let's go," Seth demanded as he knocked on the car window while Edward sighed loudly. We moved against each other, pulling back just far enough to look at each other in the dark as Seth continued to bitch at us.

Edward was red faced, and his lips were swollen from kissing. His hair was standing on end from my hands in it, pulling on it to hear him moan. He looked frustrated and adorable as he met my gaze with a silly grin that made me giggle like an idiot as we looked at each other.

"Oh Jesus," I heard Seth groan loudly as Edward laugh with me before pressing one last kiss against my lips before helping me back over to my side of the car just before unlocking the doors to let Seth in.

"You both make me fucking sick," he said as he crawled in the back seat of Edward's car as he started it up. We waited for me to buckle up and for Seth to shut up, Edward's hand wrapped around my upper thigh. It was an intimate touch, yet so innocent that it made me blush.

"Shut up," Edward mumbled with a half grin as he started to drive without ever letting me go.

The drive to Seth's house was filled with Seth's nonsense as he told us everything we had missed while out in the car together, not that we cared. I looked over at Edward to find him going back and forth between watching the road to watching me.

"Home sweet home," Seth announced as we pulled before the small house with Charlie's cruiser parked in front. After a few good byes Seth got out, leaving Edward and I alone once more.

"You're dad is here," Edward said, stating the obvious as I looked over at the car once more. I had never told him how it was rare for Dad to come home or that I spent most nights alone.

"He's here a lot, huh?" he asked me, trying to make me talk in his typical Edward fashion. He was one to push and pull until I gave him the answers he was seeking.

"Yeah," I said as if it was no big deal, even though it was.

Edward drove off back to my house, letting the silence creep between us with in the few miles that separated Seth's home from mine. I knew he was waiting for me to talk, to tell him what was going on since it had been a silent question between us before.

"Dad doesn't come home all that often," I confessed as he pulled into the gravel make shift driveway to my house.

"I'm ok with it," I said with a smile, hoping that he believed my lie since it was the same lie I had told myself for years.

"Do you ever get lonely?" he asked me in a curious tone that made me laugh.

"No, I don't mind being alone," I laughed and then waited for his judgment, but it never came. He just nodded as if he understood, maybe he did. Edward spent a lot of time alone before from what I knew of him.

"Do you ever get scared?" he asked me as he held my hand in his. It was a good question, and one I had tried to avoid since I hated looking weak, even though I was.

"Only during thunder storms," I admitted as he smiled at me as if he was going to laugh.

"You shut up," I said as I pulled my hand away from his to swat at him as he laughed at me and my irrational fear before he pulled me in close for one more kiss.

"You sure you're ok with being alone?" he asked me against my lips as I breathed him into me. He was seeking an invitation that I wasn't sure if I was ready to give.

"Yeah, I'll be fine," I said as I felt him slump a little in what could have been defeat before kissing me one last time as I fumbled with opening the door to leave him for the night.

A**N:  
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**Mamasutra**


	25. Chapter 25

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

The library was quiet as the time closed in on nine o'clock closing hour. I had barely paid attention to soft rattling sounds that Jasper would make while seeking out a book. I had barely paid attention to anything anymore since my focus was on the boy who was waiting for me in the parking lot.

Edward was out there in the rain, sitting in his car, waiting to drive me home even though I was more than capable of doing so. He claimed that he would worry about me, but I wasn't sure if his need to make sure I was safe in my empty home had more to do with the fact of how we spent the time tangled together in the front seat of his car in those stolen minutes before he had to leave to meet curfew. I was so lost in those thoughts of his hands on me or his kiss that I hadn't noticed Jasper standing there, waiting and most likely, watching me day dream about the boy who was outside.

"Hey, Bella," he said in a soft whisper that was so different than the bright smile he was wearing.

"Jasper," I managed to say as I stood up, but not without tripping over the leg of the chair like the moron I always became around him. Thankfully and all too kindly, Jasper ignored it as he slid his books across the desk top towards me so I could process them for check out.

I was used to this exchange with him. He would give and I would take only to give back. It was an almost nightly exchanged with Edward's brother.

"You ok?" he asked me suddenly, taking me by surprise with his sudden concern since that was not like Jasper. He never noticed me. I was like a ghost in his world just transparent and meaningless.

"Yeah, just… tripped over the leg of the chair. I mean, it happens," I stumbled to explain, but he just shook his head.

"No, I mean, you seem out of it," he corrected with a smile that had a hint of worry in it as he looked at me with those bright blue eyes.

"Nah, I'm ok," I breathed out in surprise as I looked from his bright eyes towards the window where I could see Edward was waiting in his car.

"Oh," he said slowly as if he had realized that I was thinking of Edward.

"You and Edward, huh?" he asked me quietly as I felt my cheeks flame red over his questions since there was a tone it that seem to imply more than just me dating his brother.

"I guess that makes sense since he always seems to get the best girls," he continued on with a sigh as he looked at me with a smile that lacked the shine that it once had before e turned and abruptly walked out with his library books in hand.

**AN:**

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**Mamasutra**


	26. Chapter 26

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

"If dad catches me he's going to shit," I mumbled as looked around the parking lot while Angela pulled out of the parking stall. Cutting school was never something that left me anxious it was where we were going that bothered me.

"Not as bad as if you ended up a teen mom," she mumbled as continued to drive away from the school making me immediately regret ditching the last class with her.

"You shut your mouth," I hissed at her as if her words went right to god's ear concerning what could happen.

"Hey, calm the fuck down," she said as she looked at me with those all knowing eyes of hers.

"You're the one who said things are going well, too well with Edward," she replied, reminding me of my words.

"I didn't mean I was screwing him," I countered back as she rolled her eyes in response.

"Trust me Polly Purebred I wasn't thinking that, but if things are going well and you like him and there is a chance that it could go there…."She trailed off allowing the silence to settle between us for a split second.

"And there is a chance, right, Bella?" she asked me as I looked out the window avoiding her.

There was a chance. I liked him. A lot. He was sweet and smart. He had a great sense of humor and when he kissed me I wanted to melt into him. He made me ache inside and it was different than it had been with what few other boys I had kissed so yeah, there was a chance.

"Yes," I whispered to her as she waited like the bitch she was for my answer.

"Well, you have to think of you and like or not condoms are not always fool proof or should we have Bree Tanner explain that one to you?" she teased as I cringed thinking of the sophomore who was due any day while her asshole boyfriend denied it was his. No, I didn't want that mess, not that I ever thought Edward would act like that, but one never knows how a person would react.

"Fine, but it also doesn't mean that I'm going to sleep with him," I countered back as she drove out of town towards Port Angels where I had an appointment at the women's clinic so I could go on birth control pills. Dad would choke if he knew.

"No, it doesn't, but it does mean if you do that you have thought enough of yourself and him to try to protect your future," she rallied back at me before turning on the radio to fill the silence between us as she drove.

A**N:**

**Thanks to those who have been patient over the last month since the last update.**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	27. Chapter 27

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

We sat at the kitchen table side by side while Esme Cullen yammered on about her day. This was how I was spending my evenings now that Edward knew I was alone at night. He had mentioned to his father even though he had promised me that he wouldn't so it resulted in me keeping him company until nine o'clock when he would reluctantly drive me home.

"So, then I told Mrs. Stanley that it was none of her damn business," she said in a victorious tone that made me grin at his mother being so ridiculous while Edward watched me with a slight smile.

"Hey," we heard call from the front room.

Jasper.

He was here and while that wasn't shocking since it was his house, it would change the mood of the night since Edward would instantly be on edge.

"Baby, get in here," Esme called out with a wide smile that she flashed towards me as if I had been waiting for this moment when this boy would arrive.

"Look who's here?" Esme called out as Jasper appeared from around the corner of the room. He was red faced and sweaty from practice while still wearing his gym clothes.

"Hey Bella," he said with a smile as I felt Edward stiffen beside me without saying a word to his brother. It always struck me as odd how they never spoken unless it was necessary and even then they rarely looked at each other.

"Jasper," I said meekly as I felt Edward's eyes upon me cold and critical as I addressed his brother. His icy stare made me feel guilty for even speaking his name.

"Go shower and get back here for dinner," Esme called just as the door opened once more to reveal a frazzled looking Carlisle home from work. It was the distraction needed for me to slip my hand under the table and on to Edward's thigh. It was a sudden movement that caused him to jump in surprise while turning to look at me with wide green eyes from shock before flashing me a grateful smile as he took hold of my hand in his, griping it tight as he laced his fingers with mine.

I didn't understand the unusual relationship that he and Jasper shared since I had always dreamed of having a sibling. I would have expected them to be some close or at least civil, but there was nothing civil or even truly kind between these brothers. Their animosity could be felt in the cold silence between them and the uncomfortable feeling that settled heavy in the air when they both were in the same space. It was that heaviness that created a nervous energy inside of me. It was tension that pulled my frayed nerves tight as Edward griped held my hand tight as if he was holding me to him instead of the comfort I was offering him.

**AN:**

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**Mamasutra**


	28. Chapter 28

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

We had walked up the stairs, talking about the project in econ even though we were in different classes, but it was a cover and knowing that made me smile at him. There was no way Edward's mom and dad didn't realize that most nights homework was completed quickly or done before ever coming home so that way we had a few hours to just be together alone in his room. I wanted to believe that they were clueless and naïve about the time I spent with their son in his room, but each night his mother would call out as we walked up the steps side by side not to shut the bedroom door I knew. I knew that she was well aware that the moment the door was shut her son would have me pinned against it with his hungry kiss, but I pretended that she didn't. It made me feel better to believe in the lie since I hated what it had to make me look like in her eyes.

We were barely at the top of the stairs when I felt Edward's hands upon me, pulling me to him in a heated kiss while grabbing my ass, not caring that we were in the middle of the hallway where anyone could us or his hands on me while we kissed. It made it dangerous and awkward as I was torn over the idea of pulling him closer or pushing away to save myself from any embarrassment that would come if we were caught like that.

"well, well, well," I heard the soft drawing sound of Jasper's voice causing me to freeze in Edward's arms just as they tightened around me in reaction to being caught kissing.

"Is that any way to treat a lady, brother?" I heard him ask as I pulled away from Edward so quick that I practically fell down in my effort to put space between us, but it was too late as I looked over at the other boy who watched us with a grim smile that looked more menacing that teasing. It made me feel sick inside as Jasper looked me over while I felt my face flame red in embarrassment even though there was nothing to be embarrassed over. I had seen Jasper at parties with two girls hanging off his lap with his hands up both their skirts so being caught with Edward's hand on my ass and his tongue in my mouth was nothing, yet somehow it felt worse.

"Ignore him, Bella. I do," Edward whispered as he pulled me into his bedroom without another look to the boy who was scowling at us from across the hallway.

**AN:**

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	29. Chapter 29

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

Jasper was everywhere I went and everywhere I looked. There was a time that I would have squealed happily over his attention, but now it only left me feeling off.

"He's staring at you again," Ang whispered to me as we sat in the lunch room alone without Ben or Edward as they had ditched to do whatever.

"Yeah, I know," I mumbled as I looked up to find his blue eyes on me. The same blue eyes that made my heart race with excitement. They still had that effect on me, the reaction where my heart beat wildly against my ribs and my breathing stuttered in my lungs. He still was beautiful and unattainable, yet somehow he knew me and it was because of Edward.

"I think he's kinda creepy," Ang said with a sour expression that would have made me laugh, but she was serious.

"What?" she asked me as I looked at her with shock.

"He's only taken notice now that you're fucking around with his brother and that's kinda fucked up, Be," she said before taking a sip of the diet Coke she had been nursing for the last hour.

"Speaking of fucking around," she continued on with a bright smile as if the topic change she was suggestion would be less painful than discussing Jasper.

"So?" she asked me in a suggestive manner while I rolled my eyes at her before tossing my crumpled napkin in her face as she laughed like the bitch she was over my reaction.

'Yeah, that's what I thought," she cackled as I stood up to leave her and her mocking laughter behind.

"You better hop to it, Be," she called after me as I grabbed my stuff to leave so I could hide out in the library until the next class.

"Or should I say hop on him?" she yelled at me as I turned to give her the finger, but stopped as I caught the bright blue eyes of Jasper Cullen watching me go.

**AN:**

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**Mamasutra**


	30. Chapter 30

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

The night of work was almost over and I had yet to see to Edward. I missed him and it was almost funny to say since I saw him all the time, but there was something about a night where the storm gathered outside that made me long for him. Maybe it was the warmth I felt with him. I wasn't sure; I just knew I missed him.

I looked out over the empty parking lot longing for my boy when the loud bang of books on the counter top made me jump in surprise. I turned to find Jasper standing there with a bright smile on his face. It was one I was used to, but rarely earned on my own.

"Bella," he said with a nod and grin as I moved from my wooden chair to assist him.

"Jasper," I murmured as I stepped closer to check his books out while he made idle small talk. He mentioned the dance at school and the latest game he was in as I nodded along with the nonsense he spoke of.

"I noticed you weren't at the last game," he said softly as if he was almost embarrassed to have noticed my absence while I gawked in surprise. Almost all the school was in attendance for his football games so for him to notice that I was gone was almost insane.

I looked at him in disbelief as the shock wore off and soon was replaced with anger. It was an anger that left me stuttering with bitterness that I wasn't expecting to well up inside of me. I had spent years watching his games, praying for his attention and to be graced with one of his smiles so this, this change of attitude towards me only fueled my rage. Where was this new found interest when I could not focus on anyone but him? Where were his sultry smiles when I would have cut someone to have earned one even if it was by mistake?

"What's going on here?" I demanded from the boy, causing his eyes to go wide with surprise as I crossed my arms over my chest in effort to appear in control, but the truth was I was protecting my battered heart from his insanity.

"What do you mean?" he asked me with narrowed eyes of suspicion.

"I mean, what's up with you? What's up with your smiles and attention?" I demanded like the crazy person he was turning me into with his flirty ways.

"Nothing," he stated as if he had always smiled pretty for me when we both knew it was a lie.

"I have always thought you were pretty cool, Bella," he said with a shrug as if it was no big deal, but the look in his eyes suggested otherwise. It told me that this was big deal, such a big deal that he actually looked nervous as he spoke. I watched him for a moment, stuttering for a response as he stuffed the books in his back pack with ease.

"It was you who would never give me the time of day," he replied simply with a hurt tone that had me gasp in surprise before turning to leave me alone to close up the empty building alone.

AN:  
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Mamasutra

.


	31. Chapter 31

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight

The storm brewing in the sky was loud and threatening as ran through the splattering rain drops to my truck after closing up the library. Edward was once more a no show, but I understood. He had a test tomorrow and needed to study. I understood, but it didn't make it easier to take since out of the all the nights that he was here, he happened to be gone the one night I needed him. I could handle it or so I told myself as I slammed my car door shut and locked the door before taking another shaky breath in. It was then as the lightning lit up the sky that I saw him.

It was Jasper Cullen. He was sitting in his car, watching me, waiting for me to do something, but what it was I wasn't sure. I couldn't quite see his face or the expression he wore, but I knew it was him. I would know him anywhere.

Knowing that he was watching me left me feeling unsettled, yet comforted in some manner that I could not explain as I looked away from him before starting the in a flustered manner that I hoped he missed. I took one more breath before beginning to drive away. I glanced back to find Jasper still there, sitting alone in the empty parking lot, watching me go.

**AN:**

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	32. Chapter 32

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

The thunder shook the house while causing me to cower under the blanket on the couch like the coward I was when it came to storms.

_This will pass._

_ This will pass._

_ This will pass._

I whispered my calming words over again as the next round of thunder began. Storms were my down fall. I had hated them since I was a little girl. There was something about feeling helpless as the loud crashes and flashes of light rang around you and helplessness was never good.

I grabbed my headphones and quickly stuffed them in my ear to try to stop the sounds. The music covered it up, but did not take away the eerie feeling that being alone at home in the middle of a storm would evoke within me. It was the feeling of being watched and the loneliness of isolation combined that would cause my heart to pound while my imagination took off on a wild goose chase after made up monsters that haunted my dreams.

I was trying to lose myself in the music when I first heard the loud sound of something thumping on the wood. It caused my breathing to stutter in my chest while I jumped in surprise.

_It had to be the trees_.

I told myself it was the trees rubbing against the house or a random smaller branch falling to hit the house because of the winds, but the more I explained it away the louder it became until I could not ignore it any longer. I slowly stood up on shaking legs to look out the window only find nothing there. No branches in the yard. No cars out front except for mine. Nothing out of the ordinary that should be making the sound except for the rain falling in a harsh manner that made me shiver as I watched it fall violently to the ground outside. I had almost convinced myself that all was ok when sound began again, except this time it was clear that it was the sound of someone pounding on the front door.

I walked closer to the door, unsure if I should look out to see who was there or just call my father and demand that he come home. My curiosity won out as I peered out the small window only to gasp in surprise before struggling to unlock the door with shaking hands. Once the locks were undone I flung open the door to find a nearly drowned looking Edward standing there.

He was soaked to the bone and had rain water dripping off of the hoody he wore. I should have demanded to know why he was there at almost midnight or even question where his car was since it was nowhere that I could see, but I didn't. I just opened the door wider and flung myself into his stiff, cold arms, just so damn happy to see him standing there.

"Are you ok?" he breathed into my hair as he shook in my arms while I dragged him inside into the dry warmth of the house. We were pressed together, me holding him tight as he grasped on to me with cold, wet hands. His wet clothes were seeping through mine, making me wet as well, but I didn't care, I just wanted him close to me.

I shifted in his arms, pulling back just enough to look at his face. It was hard to believe how handsome the boy could be as the lightning flash behind him, causing shadows on his face, yet he was. His hair was wet and hung in his eyes, but I could see the concern in them as he looked at me. It was a look I was quiet used to, but one that made me warm inside as we stood toe to toe in the foyer of my house.

"Yeah, I'm ok now," I whispered to him before pulling him down to kiss his ice cold lips.

A**N:  
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	33. Chapter 33

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

I pulled him with me upstairs, letting the rain water drip everywhere as I dragged him behind me. Edward was shivering as I pulled his hoody off of hi followed by his t-shirt that was equally as soaked. I took a deep breath to steady myself while watching him towel dry his hair before reaching out touch his belt buckle. I took hold of the end and pulled on it to attempt to unhook it in effort to take off his jeans. My movements made him stop and look at me with a questioning look since never once had I ever touched him below the waist.

"You're shaking and cold. I…I was just helping you take them off…that's all," I stuttered nervously, as I held the end of the belt in my hands. I could feel my blush heating my skin as embarrassment washed over me. Edward was still shaking; the sound of his teeth chattering was the only other sound in the room as he watched me for the space of a moment before dropping the towel on the floor. I remained close as he brought a trembling hand to undo his jeans before toeing off his shoes and then kicking off his jeans so he stood before me in nothing but his damp boxers.

I tried not to look at him, but it was impossible not to look at him as he stood there shaking from the cold. He was more muscular than what I had believed him to be, surprising me with definition in his arms and legs. His stomach was flat with a teasing strip of hair that went from his belly button to beneath the cotton fabric of his boxers. It was impossible to miss that he was beautiful, even more beautiful with his clothes off than what they were on and try as I might to look away from him, I couldn't.

Wordlessly, in effort to mask my embarrassment, I took hold of his cold hand and pulled him towards my bed. He followed me with halting steps until I flipped back the covers and pushed him beneath them before joining him there. His skin felt like ice against mine as I held him tight to me, tangling my bare legs with his while wrapping my arms around his neck to touch his wet hair in what I hoped was a soothing manner. We laid in silence except for the sound of his teeth chattering until his shuddering stopped as my warmth seeped into his skin.

"Where's your car?" I asked him softly, breaking the silence with my curiosity.

"I parked a block away in case your dad came home," he whispered in response. What he didn't know was that dad never came home. He could have parked in the driveway and no one would have cared.

"Why are you here?" I asked him as I felt his cold fingers spread out across my lower back to hold me closer to him.

"Because you need me here," he whispered with a ghost of a laugh over my question as if it was ridiculous for me to even ask him that. He knew I hated storms so that was a good enough reason for him to be here.

"How long will you stay?" I asked as just as a lightning strike lit up the room before the loud boom of thunder shook the house around us, causing me to jump against him with the startling sound. I knew he would need to be back by morning light since there was no way his parents would be ok or even aware that he was here with me alone in my bed. It was too dangerous and even though his mother was not the most interested in his life she would not agree to a sleep over.

"As long as you need me," Edward answered with a yawn that made me yawn as well since it well after midnight and the warmth between us was lulling us both back to sleep. I pressed closer to the boy and hugged him tight in gratitude as I closed my eyes to finally sleep but not before feeling the feather light good night kiss that Edward pressed against my lips.

A**N:**

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**Mamasutra**


	34. Chapter 34

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

I woke to warmth and the smell of Edward all around me.

"I gotta go," he whispered into my ear softly, sweetly before pressing a million kisses on my face before one last lingering one on my lips that made me sigh as I pulled him closer to me. He was dressed once more and his clothes felt damp against my skin as I pulled him on top of me before opening my eyes to look at him.

Edward was smiling a bright, sleepy smile while his hair stood on end with the worst case of bed head I had ever seen before. He looked rumpled and sweet, but more than that he looked happy.

"I'll come back tonight if you want me to," he offered in a low whisper before leaning in for one more kiss while I nodded yes to his offer and then he was gone.

I lay in bed for a while, breathing him in even though he was gone before slipping out of bed. It was one morning that I was glad I had showed the night before even though my hair would look like hell because I would be able to spend all day smelling like his skin.

Morning passed and as I killed time until I needed to leave for school since I thought about my boy. Edward was never who I thought he would be since I never thought of him coming over in the middle of the night. I never thought of him even paying attention to the fact that I had even mentioned my hate of storms and being alone. He paid more attention than what I had given him credit for.

It was that thought and more thoughts of the boy I slept beside last night that filled my thoughts as I drove to school. I was anxious to see him and looked for him amongst the crowd of kids in the parking lot avoiding going into the building. It took all of a second to find him leaning on his car, laughing loud as he leaned close to willowy blonde girl who was making him laugh.

Rosalie Hale.

I would know her anywhere with her long legs and short cheer skirt in a violent shade of blue that she could always make look good.

"You know, we should get together sometime," I heard her say with a grin in her voice as she looked at him with an expectant look on her pretty face, but it wasn't her I was watching. It was him.

It was Edward with his wide, easy smile and the soft pink of his cheeks as he looked at her. He was thinking about it. I could see it on his face as he wavered in what he was going to say while I held my breath without even realizing it.

"I don't know, Rose," He said with a grin that was off just as he noticed me standing there.

"Bella," he called out to me with a smile appeared to be nervous while motioning me to him just as the blonde girl turned and left him with a quick look in my direction.

"Hey," I managed to say as I approached him, not taking hold of his hand that he offered to me.

"Don't be like that," he said as he pulled me to him while I felt a sick gnawing feeling in my stomach as I looked at him.

"It's just Rosalie, Bella. She's just a friend," he reassured me with a sigh that sounded somewhat irritated, but it did nothing to ease the sick feeling that had taken over inside of me.

**AN:**

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	35. Chapter 35

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

I sat at a lunch table alone waiting on Ang since Edward had already texted me to say he had to work in the photo lab for the year book. I tried not to be annoyed with him over it, but I couldn't stop myself since I knew Rosalie would be there as well. It wouldn't just be the two of them since there would be six other people working with them, but it still left me feeling uneasy.

"Hey chickie!" Seth yelled as he sat down with a clatter as he dropped his tray on the table in front of me.

"Hey," I mumbled as I pulled my lip balm out of my bag to reapply since I had nothing better to do with my free time outside of that and imagine what Edward was doing with his former girlfriend.

"What's with the sad face, doll?" he asked he pulled back the foil on his pudding pack before taking a long, obscene looking lick off the foil.

"Are the rumors true? Is Edward only a two pump chump?" he asked with such pain staking sincerity as I felt my face burn with embarrassment. He had no idea that we hadn't gone that far and that was more my doing than Edward's. He would have done it, but it was me who was holding back.

I couldn't just have sex with him. I couldn't. I wanted to, yet I couldn't. I wanted his skin against mine. I wanted the mystery of it revealed, yet the idea of doing it scared me and thrilled me in ways that I could not even put into words. It wasn't just the fear of the unknown; it was also the fear of the known. I knew he had been with Rosalie. I knew he was not a virgin, he had told me so and somehow knowing that left me completely intimidated over the whole thing. It was stupid, but I couldn't stop myself from feeling that way.

"Seth," I whined as his eyes went wide with surprise.

"So, it's true," he giggled like a school boy who had been told a dirty joke.

"And here I thought it was something Rose said just to piss him off when they broke up," he laughed before I threw a crumpled napkin to silence him.

"No, he's not," I defended as Seth cackled loudly, causing people to turn and stare like we were truly the side show freaks that some thought we were.

"Or at least I don't think he is," I mumbled more to myself, but it was enough to silence him.

"_Oh…"_ he responded with wide eyes as I felt my skin burn once more.

"Hey, it's cool," Seth soothed as he looked at me with a so smile that lit up his cinnamon colored eyes.

"I just need to know…" I mumbled then stopped as I realized I wasn't sure what I needed to know. I knew Edward cared, but love wasn't word we had spoken in the shadows while tangled together in my bed.

"I get it," Seth nodded his head hard and fast like a bobble head.

"Sex is a big deal," he replied simply as if it wasn't a big deal, but it was.

"For what it's worth, I know my boy's head over heels for you," he confessed as I looked away from the blue haired boy who seemed to know me better than what I wanted him to.

"Has been for as long as I've known him," he continued on as I turned to look at him as if I could see if he was lying, but I saw nothing but warm honesty in his eyes. Just then Edward entered the lunch room with Rosalie at his side. He was smiling at her as she spoke to him and it hit me like a punch in the chest as I watched him with her.

"Ahhh" Seth whispered as he followed my gaze to Edward who hadn't noticed in the crowd of people.

"This is about _her,_" he said in a suggestive tone as he watched Rosalie laugh with her head tilted back as if whatever Edward had said was the funniest thing she had ever heard. There was something in the dirty tone Seth used mixed with Rose's high pitched laugh that made my skin crawl.

"Bella, if he wanted to be with her, he would," Seth continued on, saying all the wrong words to me since I was thinking the same thing except wondering why Edward wasn't.

AN:

Thanks for reading! Thanks to anyone who voted for this fic while it was on The Lemonade Stand a week or so ago.

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Mamasutra


	36. Chapter 36

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

My bedroom was silent except for the sound of his breathing mimicking mine. The air between us was tense with unspoken words, words I had no right to say, but wanted to.

"Bella," he whispered to me in a voice that was full of questions and hinted at being hurt.

"What's going on?" he asked softly as he shifted against me so that he could see my face no matter how I tried to hide it from it.

"Nothing," I lied sweetly as his eyes held mine. They looked silver in the dim light of my bedroom. I couldn't tell him that I hated her for no other reason than he had been with her and that even more than me hating her; I hated him being around her.

Edward looked at me while his hands traced a random pattern on my arm, making me shudder against him with his ticklish touch. I waited to see if he had believed me, but the sad sigh that escaped his lips told me he hadn't.

"It was for yearbook, Bella, nothing more than that," he assured me using the same words he had used when he found me in the lunch room green with jealousy and swallowing bitter words as I told him that I understood.

"I didn't seek her out, but when she does speak to me I won't be rude to her just because you think I should," he said in a strong voice that hinted at the fight he was willing to bring in order to put this rest. I knew he thought I was being silly, and that was only because he couldn't see it. She was perfect and pretty, but more than that she was still into him. I could see it and it hurt that he was ignoring me over it.

"Do you still like her?" I asked him bluntly, letting the question that had been haunting my thoughts since I found him talking to her in the parking lot that morning.

"If you are asking me if I'm interested in her or want to date her, then my answer is no," he stated with a hint of challenge in his voice.

"But you like her," I countered back only to earn an exasperated sigh form the boy who continued to hold me to him even though I had let go of him.

"I don't hate her, Bella. I don't always like her, but I'm not going to be a dick just because things didn't work out between us or because you want me to be," he sighed in irritation.

"Maybe I should just go home tonight," he whispered softly to me, giving me the opportunity to ask him to leave without storming out on his own. It was slippery slope since part of me wanted to be alone while the other part wanted to hold him tight to me.

"Don't go," I whispered to him as I frantically grabbed for him once more just as I felt him pull away from me.

Edward seemed to be able to see the panic in my eyes and maybe the confusion as well as he looked down at me with a somber look that broke my heart.

"What do you need me to do to make you believe me?" he asked me in a tone every bit as blunt as what I had asked him about her. I opened my mouth to speak, but there was nothing he could do or say that he hadn't already to make this better or to make me believe him.

"Kiss me," I whispered to him breathlessly as I attempted to swallow unease that was welling up inside of me as he looked at me with silver eyes that held a shadow of doubt in them. I waited for him to call me out on that unease that seemed to vibrate between us, but he never did. Instead, I felt his warm lips close over mine in a sweet kiss that answered my panic with his desperation.

**AN:**

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	37. Chapter 37

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

The library was silent, but I knew he was here. Jasper was always here at night when I was. He would sit quietly reading, but every once in a while I would catch him watching me. It made my stomach twist in knot and cause me to fumble the books I was carrying. It was embarrassing to say the least, but not as embarrassing as when he would come to help me.

"Let me," he would say in the softest of tones as he would slip behind him to place a book on the shelf that I could never reach or pick up what I had dropped. It was intimidating.

"Bella?" he asked me as we walked in silence, putting away book that the morning staff had ignored.

"Yes?" I managed to stutter before cursing myself for sounding like an idiot in front of this boy.

"So, Uhm… you and Edward…" he stated slowly, as if he was trying to put his words together carefully while I felt the butterflies in my stomach amplified at the mentioning of Edward's name.

"You two are… like together right?" he questioned softly as if he was scared to.

"We...uhm… are going out, yeah," I replied with less confidence then what I wanted.

"So, you're his girlfriend, right?" he asked me with a sideways glance that made my heart pound so loud that I was sure he could hear it in the silence around us.

"We've a… we've a never placed a label on us," I confessed while hoping that I didn't sound as stupid to him as what I did to my own ears.

"Hmmm," Jasper hummed in a contemplative tone as if he was thinking about me, Edward and our relationship.

"Well, that's pretty stupid of him," he finally said with an exaggerated sigh as I tried not look at him.

"If we were together I would want everyone to know you were mine," he stately softly with a smile that made my heart race like a humming bird within my chest.

**AN:**

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	38. Chapter 38

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

Jasper continued to follow me throughout the library.

"You know, I don't think we've every really spoken," he said with a slight laugh that washed over me like a bucket of ice water as I stopped pushing the trolley cart that was firmly in between us to stare at him.

He was right. We had never truly spoken. We had exchanged pleasantries over dinner at his parents' house. He had made his comments about me, yet never _to_ me as I was lead into Edward's bedroom. Thinking back over time spent in the Cullen house Jasper had never directly spoken to me and thinking back over time in school around the boy, he had never even looked in my direction.

The more I thought about how I had been ignored and spoken around as if I did not exist by the boy at my side the faster I felt the rise of rage inside of me. Who was he to make comments about me and what he would do if I was his? I had always wanted to be him, would have been his in a moment's notice if he had only even looked at me, but he hadn't. Jasper had never said a word until now and now it was too late.

"You…you need to…to just shut up," I stuttered as backed away from the boy, dragging my cart with me as I stared at him as if he had made a pass at me when in all reality he was just being flirty.

My words stunned Jasper into an awkward silence as I glared at him with an anger that burned me from the inside out over this boy's selfish stupidity.

"What did I say?" he asked me in a stunned tone as he gawked at me as if I had lost my mind, not that I had realized the truth of the situation I was in with him.

"Just get out," I muttered to him as I motioned towards the door, not bothering to hide the tremor in my hand from the spike in adrenaline I felt coming from my rage.

"Bella…" he began in a cautious tone as he stepped closer to me, just as I stepped back away from the boy as if he was a real threat, not some boy who was too stupid to realize his mistake.

"It's almost nine and it's time for the library to close, so just… go," I whispered, not bothering to hide the hurt in my voice as I looked away from him. It was at that exact moment that I saw a shadowy movement from the corner of my eye. I jumped in fright before realizing that it was no ghost of librarians past, but instead Edward. He was here to give me a ride home just like he had promised.

"There you are," he said with a grin as he approached me. His grin faded a bit as he found Jasper at my side looking more guilty than innocent as he stared at me, waiting for me to say something beyond telling him to get out.

"Is everything ok?" Edward asked as I felt him step closer to me until he was partially in front of me, blocking me from Jasper's stunned gaze. While his words were for me, it was clear what he was asking without saying the words.

_Are you ok?_

_ What did he do?_

"Everything is fine and Jasper was just leaving," I stated firmly as I turned to leave the stunned looking boy, who was left rubbing the back of his head in a confused manner, while I dragged Edward off with me.

A**N:**

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**Mamasutra**


	39. Chapter 39

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

Jasper.

What could I say when Edward asked me what had happened? There was nothing to say since there was no way I was going to admit that I wanted to believe that this boy, his own brother might have been interested in me. I was not about stand before him and tell him that, so instead I just smiled and laughed it off. I told him that Jasper was just being stupid and for the most part he believed me. He knew Jasper's reputation better than what I did so it was an easy lie to believe.

"You know, I should thank him. It was him that mentioned that you enough that I had find out about the girl who was smart enough to ignore him," Edward said with a lopsided grin as he tucked a strand of hair that had slipped free of from my pony tail behind my ear. It was an innocent gesture that he always made feel intimate with how he looked at me with such reverence as he did it. That was the thing about Edward; he could always reach my heart without saying a word, unfortunately his words left me cold.

Jasper had talked about me. He had mentioned me before Edward and I were ever even a thought that I would have entertained. He had thought of me and somehow I had missed it.

"He spoke of me?" I asked while trying to down play the anxiety that engulfed me as I thought about Jasper, me and missed opportunities.

"Yeah, but he missed out. He never had the nerve to ask you out. Fortune favors the bold when it comes to dealing with Forks' High version of the ice queen," Edward teased me with a bright grin as I returned his grin with a wonky one of my own.

"Shut it," I mumbled with a dismissive laugh that resembled more of a chocking sound than laughter.

"Oh, Swan, you have no idea how cute you are," Edward laughed at me as he ducked down to press a kiss against my lips while his brother watched us for a moment before driving out of the empty parking lot with a loud squeal of his tires that caused us both to jump in surprise.

"I'll be over later," I heard Edward say as I watched his brother drive off into the dark as if the devil himself was chasing him.

**AN:**

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	40. Chapter 40

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

Edward's words set me on edge as I thought about his confession. They played on a loop in my mind as I waited in the dark for him to appear. The more I thought of his words the more I questioned his every action. Was it all a game?

I was worked into a small panic by the time Edward appeared at my door. I was so bothered that I had barely heard his soft knock to let him in and when I did I had nothing to say since what was there to say?

I pretended to listen as he prattled on about school and projects. I nodded my head and pretended that I was enthralled, but I could not focus on anything except the lingering doubt that had surfaced in my mind over Edward's intentions.

"Are you even listening to me?" Edward demanded, pulling me out of my thoughts with his sharp tone. I looked at him with wide eyes as he scowled at me in anger. We were pressed together from breast to ankle on my small bed just like we were every night that Edward stayed over. I looked into his eyes that were more black than green in the darkness of my room and could see irritation blooming in them. It was that anger that set mine off like a rocket.

"Are you only with me because of Jasper?" I demanded and then watched Edward's scowl melt away into the eyed look of surprise.

"What?" he sputtered in what seemed like shock as I waited for a real response from him, each second that passed only added fuel my anger.

"You heard me," I hissed in anger as his words echoed through my head once more.

"No. No way," he sputtered in a nervous tone as I glared at him.

"He may have mentioned you once or twice, but I had always thought you were beautiful and amazing, but was just too much of a pussy to approach you," he whispered as he looked at me with a guilty look on his handsome face.

"If you had always thought that about me then why approach me now? Why not do it before?" I demanded from him as he looked at me with nervous look that made my heart race and I hated it. I hated that as angry as what I was at this boy he still made my heart pound like a humming bird's.

I watched him swallow nervously before taking a deep breath before answering me.

"Because," he replied simply, but I could hear the nerves in his voice as he spoke.

"Because I had always wanted to be with you, even before…. Rosalie and everything," he trailed off as he looked away as if he was embarrassed by his own confession, even though I couldn't see what there was to be embarrassed about.

"And I realized that it was now or never when it came to you and I couldn't imagine living with the idea of never taking a chance to be with you," he whispered softly as his eyes finally met mine. He had a sorrowful look about him that made my heart hurt as I looked into his dark green eyes.

"You believe me, right?" he asked me after a long moment of silence separated us. I wanted to believe him. In all honesty I had no real reason not to, except for that nagging feeling that nothing and everything was wrong about the foundation of the relationship I found myself in with this Cullen brother.

**AN:**

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	41. Chapter 41

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

The days passed and as they did Edward and I came to this uneasy truce. I didn't fully believe him and he was still trying too hard to force me to. He had pulled out all the stops to woo me; flowers, poems, whispered words of love and want, but I wasn't a normal girl. I knew that boys lied. I had watched my own father lie to my mom and now Sue about his life so what would make Edward any different.

Angela was no help. She wanted to side with Edward. She wanted to believe in him and thought I was crazy for ever doubting the boy, but I could not help myself when I would see the shadow of something in his eyes when he would whisper how he loved me. I didn't know what the shadow was; I just knew that it shouldn't be there.

It was the image of that darkness that lingered when he would whisper to me in the dark between heated kisses that left me wanting more and hating it that haunted me during the day. These images would play out in my mind mixed in with him laughing with a Rosalie, who never failed to ignore me whenever she had the chance. It was maddening in a way and only made the situation worse.

"You know, if you think about all the answers are right at your finger tips," a too familiar voice said to me as Jasper appeared out of thin air. He was leaning against the counter top of the library check desk with a dark look on his face. His presence startled me since I had not realized that he was that close. I knew he was in the library, but I hadn't seen him in hours up until that moment.

"What are you talking about?" I asked him in a voice hoarse from hours of silence as I thought of every scenario possible that would prove Edward right and that I was just overreacting as usual.

"Did you ever wonder why Rosalie bad mouthed him if she was the one who dumped him?" he asked me with a smart ass smirk, as if he had been reading my mind and it scared me since that thought had crossed my mind too many times to count.

"Why is it he defends her if she was the one to call it quits and then call names?" he asked me as I felt my body stiffen in reaction to his words since they were the same words that I had wondered as well.

"Why are you doing this?" I asked him, not caring that I sound weak and pathetic to a boy whom had been my world.

"Because wouldn't you rather know the truth about how you came to be with Edward instead of the lies you were told?" he asked me with a smart ass grin added to his usual cockiness, making him more than just the typical asshole he was known to be. It was just enough to send my over loaded mind into a full melt down of rage and denial.

"You know what, Jasper?" I hissed at him as he looked at me with a fire in his eyes that reminded me of his brother and just seeing it hurt me. I moved around the desk to face him since I wasn't scared of this boy. He was nothing more than a cocky attitude and a decent hair cut or so I had told myself. He was no more important or relevant than what I was in the piss ant town we lived in. He was just a boy with a chip on his shoulders and I was just the girl to knock it off for him.

"I think you are nothing but a spoiled asshole that just can't stand to see his brother have something that he could never have," I growled at him but before I could give him my best _fuck off _smile I was pulled into a hard embrace that startled me enough to rob me of my breath. His fingers were tangled in my hair, pulling the strands almost cruelly, as he held my face in a tight grasp before silencing me with a burning kiss.

**AN:**

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**Mamasutra**


	42. Chapter 42

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

The kiss was hard and demanding as he held my head in a tight grasp, basically pinning me to him with this kiss. It was too much with the hint of desperation and full on rage that it robbed me of the air in my lungs as I gasped against his hard lips. It was that startled gasp that caused his kiss to turn on a dime, becoming sickeningly sweet with its tenderness until he pulled away from me slowly, as if he was unsure about ending the kiss.

Jasper continued to hold my face in his hands while looking at me as he struggled to breathe as well. It was a guarded look that reminded me of every other day that he looked past me, yet this was different. It was as if he was looking at me, yet through me at the same time.

"Let go of me," I whispered in a hoarse voice as the boy continued to hold my face in his hands.

"Let go of me," I said in a trembling voice as I felt his eyes focus upon me. They were dark and heated with a need that seemed to echo inside of me.

"Let go of me!" I screamed in anger as I finally found the strength to push him away, not that he resisted me at all as he stumbled backwards from me.

"Get out!" I raged as I jerked my arms in the motion of the door while stepping away from him to grab his book bag that was always nearby. It spilled on floor around us, causing Jasper to finally really move, scrambling to pick up the mess I had created with his papers and books.

"Get out!" I screamed once more as I watched Jasper struggle to stuff everything in his bag before staggering out of the library as if I had injured him.

As soon as the boy was out the door I locked it behind him not caring at all that it was a little early to close. I needed the space between us and while a glass door offered little protection, it was all I had so I would take it.

**AN:  
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	43. Chapter 43

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

I waited in the dark for him since I knew he would come. Edward had been nothing but faithful with his nightly visits since the whole Rosalie thing. He was still hell bent on showing me that there was none one, but me for him.

As each minute passed, the tension that had settled over me minutes after I had pushed Jasper away was now on the verge of swallowing me whole. It was heavy, pinning me the bed until I heard the rattling of the window announcing Edward's arrival.

I was still torn in two over what to do.

Should I tell him about Jasper or let it go?

This was now the moment of truth, but as I watched Edward's lanky form tumble into the darkness of my room, I knew what I had to do. I jumped out of bed to greet him with a hard hug and lingering kiss in hopes to wipe away the taste of his brother's lips.

"Hey," Edward chuckled against my lips as he broke our kiss to smile at me. It was too bright and far too innocent, which only added to the tidal wave of guilt that washed over me even though I had done nothing wrong, except stand there as another boy kissed me.

"You missed me?" he asked in a teasing tone as I struggled to kiss him once more since as long as I kissed him I didn't have to tell him about the kiss I could not forget.

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	44. Chapter 44

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

The windows of Edward's car were fogged as we tangled together in the back seat of his car. His hands griped my hips tight as I found myself straddling him, grinding against him until he broke our kiss with a gasp for air.

"I have no idea what's gotten into you, but I like it," he teased in a breathless manner that made me smile as I took in his kiss swollen lips and dark eyes that were hazy with lust.

He had no idea and I wasn't about to tell him that I couldn't sop thinking about the kiss his brother gave me. He didn't need to know that I was using his kiss to try to burn away the memory of an illicit kiss that never should have happened.

"I can't resist you," I teased him, earning myself another candy flavored kiss from my kiss drunk boy.

"Good," he murmured against my lips as his hands skimmed under my shirt along the cool flesh of my back before tickling along my sides to cup my breasts through my bra. It was a teasing touch that made me ache with excitement as my nipples hardened beneath his skillful touch just as his porch blinked on and then off, signaling that it was time to take me home for the night.


	45. Chapter 45

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

His weight was heavy upon me, crushing me, yet it was welcome proof that he was there. I pulled him tighter to me, holding him as he struggled to kiss me while being so close.

"I have no idea what's gotten into you, but I like it," Edward laughed against my lips in an excited manner. He had no idea, but I did. I knew exactly what had gotten into me and shook me hard with a kiss.

Jasper.

His blue eyes haunted me almost as much as his unwanted attention. I couldn't seem to shake him or his heated stares no matter how much I avoid him.

"You. Only you," I whispered to him as the lie tasted bitter on my tongue while urging him to touch me.

Edward's nimble hands had long rid me of my t-shirt so that we were skin to skin tangled on my bed. It was exhilarating and innocently dirty that knowing that there was barely anything that separated his body from mine.

"Do you have any idea what you do to me?" he half moaned against my lips as he flexed his hips against mine, letting me feel him hard against me. It was intimidating and exciting all at once as my belly clenched nervously.

I felt him slowly let go of my breast with one hand before skimming it along the curve of my hip. His fingers soft and feathery against my skin, teasing me until they finally rested against the band of my panties. They stayed there, suggesting what could happen, while he waited for me to push him away like I always had in the past, but I was going to call his bluff.

"Touch me," I whispered to him as I felt my entire body burn white hot in embarrassment as I waited for his response.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


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